I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I had to cum in my sink.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
