is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i would one night stand the shit outta him
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Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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