Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
