I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
