She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
