I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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