peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
