Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
