Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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