i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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