She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
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Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
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He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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