maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
