Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
