The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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