During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
