i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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