you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
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That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
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If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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