Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
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you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
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He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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