You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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