Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
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so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
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Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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