I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
