She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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