Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
