My nipple is on Facebook.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Wonâ€™t Believe
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"