I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
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He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
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he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink