thanks...oh and i got my period
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning