All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?