he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
We are two peas in an std pod
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
were you high?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of