Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
