those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
