Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It's rum buckets o'clock
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
