she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize