Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
