I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
