nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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