Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize