i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
This is the high leading the old right now
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
