how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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