Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
