Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
