White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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