Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
