I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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