forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize