I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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