We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize