he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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