this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
