every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
