mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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