YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
