I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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