God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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