never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
