those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
