At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
