I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
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My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
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If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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