lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
