So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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