Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
