Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
