butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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