just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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