tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
