I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
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you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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