either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
