Can i not drive my cunt home
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Randomize
